Kink-Aware and Poly-Friendly Counselling

About nine years ago, as I was just starting out as a Provisional Psychologist,  I had someone email me looking for a counsellor who was poly-friendly. They'd had experiences in therapy where polyamory became the focus of the work, when that wasn't what they were seeking counselling for. It seemed obvious to me that this was a thing I should learn about, so I talked to a more knowledgeable colleague, read "Opening Up" and began seeing clients who identified as polyamorous. I didn't ever want to be that counsellor who would judge someone for their relationship orientation. Since then I've read "More Than Two", listened to some talks, and learned a ton from the clients who've shared their experiences with me. As a therapist I'm newer to the world of kink but seek to continue learning and growing. At the heart, I come from an open, curious place and accept the truths my clients share with me about themselves and their experiences.

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As a Kink-Aware and Poly Friendly Clinician....

I Won't

• I won’t assume that the issue you’re seeking help with is caused by or is related to your kink or poly orientation.
• I won’t make assumptions about your treatment goals – particularly that these goals include changing your sexual desires or relationship orientation.
• I won’t try to “cure” you of a kink or poly identity.
  
• I won't assume abuse when you are in a BDSM relationship. I won't assume you are cheating or are tolerating cheating if you bring up other partners, nor that you have a "fear of commitment".
  

I Will

• I will be aware that any distress you have about your kink or poly identity may be a normal part of internalized cultural bias against your sexual/relationship orientation rather than evidence of a disorder. I will help you to locate and get support from community resources if desired.
• I will be sensitive to whether and how your kink or poly identity affects your work, social, and family relationships.
  

I Can

• If you have experienced abuse within a BDSM relationship, I can help you to process and understand that. I know that this can sometimes happen and that it can be very difficult to talk about.
• I can help you to navigate the terms of your poly relationship and negotiate agreements that best serve you and your partners, identifying and honoring your needs.
• I will remain aware of my own issues and how they may enter the therapy. I will consult with colleagues who are knowledgeable about altsex behavior and/or suggest referral options if you bring in issues that are outside of my knowledge base or boundaries of competence.
  

These promises are adapted from a Keely Kolmes article found here.