Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar by Cheryl Strayed
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Amazing.

After having this book on my shelf for several months, I read it over the December break, knowing that I needed the time and space to fully immerse myself in it. And I did. I sat on my office couch, and in my bed at home, and I had a good long cry or two (or more). I let myself take in the sorrow of the letter writers' grief and be moved by it. I let my guard down and allowed myself to be different. I even took off my psychologist hat (a thing I almost never do) and let myself read it as a person first.

This book will transform you, if you let it in. I definitely recommend reading it over several sittings (all at once could be overwhelming) but within a short enough time frame that you can stay down in the depths with it. I thought it might be too much but the order of the letters has been designed wonderfully, so it intersperses shorter more humorous letters with the more difficult ones. I was particularly moved by the letters that had to do with family and mothering, but really this is a book about life.

Trigger warning: Cheryl Strayed talks pretty openly about her childhood sexual abuse, and a number of the letters have to do with sexual violence. I absolutely found it readable - and I don't always - but it wouldn't be the best book for someone in the early stages of healing from trauma or dealing with active flashbacks/nightmares.

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Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This is absolutely my favorite book for women related to sex and sexual desire. I first heard Emily Nagoski speak as a guest on Sex Nerd Sandra's podcast, and loved what she had to say in that episode. I feel like I learned a ton and it also left me wanting to know more. She spoke so clearly and knowledgeably that I was pretty excited to learn she'd also written a book, complete with worksheets to fill out.

Emily brings a really fresh perspective on desire styles and offers insights about female sexual desire specifically (unlike old models that were based on the average male desire style). I've found myself teaching others what I've learned from her about spontaneous vs responsive desire. She also teaches readers (in a really accessible and fun way) about the dual control model of sex, suggesting that if we want to feel like having sex more often, we need to focus on "turning on the ons and turning off the offs". At the same time, it never comes across as prescriptive or judgmental. She reminds readers every chapter or so that there's nothing wrong with your desire, and helps us understand what a huge role context plays in desire for women.

"Come as You Are" is great for folks who might like to have a more active sex life, but don't necessarily feel like having sex. It's great for women in relationships where their desire style is much different than their partners (higher or lower). It's great for women who've worried that there's something wrong with their desire. It's great for partners of these women. It's great for women in heterosexual relationships and queer relationships. And the list goes on.

I love love love this book! As a bonus, Emily Nagoski is a generally awesome person and speaker who really does come across as wanting to share what she's learned and help remind readers just how fantastic and normal they are. The audiobook is read by her and it's lovely to listen to.

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Adulting: How to Become a Grown-up in 468 Easy(ish) Steps by Kelly Williams Brown
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

As anyone who knows me might guess, I was initially drawn to this book because of the cover (woman alone in her apartment with her cat! So obviously me!). I also was at a point in my life where learning to do more adulting just felt right. I was 28 at the time and ready to feel more like a professional woman. I'd already started to feel more settled in my career and less like a student just struggling to get by. So if you're a woman in your 20s thinking "adulting! I need more of that!" then you'll very likely enjoy this book.

One big thing I appreciated about the book was the very user-friendly breakdown. The chapters are by topic (eg., Domesticity, Fake it Till You Make it, Get a Job, and Love) and within each chapter, there are a number of bitesize "steps". It was nice to pick and choose the things that felt most relevant and go from there.

Looking back now, it's interesting how much I loved a book that's basically about taking responsibility for your life. The tone absolutely helps (it's fun, light, and authentic) and so does the author's voice. She's a young, modern woman who is compassionate and a bit awkward and completely relatable. I never felt judged or like I wasn't doing a good enough job as I read through the steps. Instead I felt pride (there was a lot I was already doing right) and a lot of validation for where I was in my life and the specific day to day struggles I was having.

Now that I'm flipping through it to write this review, I kind of want to read it again. While it's probably not a good book to buy for someone else , it's definitely relevant and fun to read. Worth the purchase.

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