Writing about mental health from a feminist counselling perspective
#13: Stop should-ing yourself
How often in a day do you catch yourself in "shoulds"?
Maybe it’s about a goal you’re trying to reach - “I should be further ahead with this project”. Or about something you’ve been told is important - “I really should work out more”. Perhaps it’s about a past mistake - “I should have known better”.
Did you ever wonder “whose voice is that?”
I can tell you that even if it sounds like your voice, it’s not coming from you. We’re not born with the belief that what we’ve done isn’t good enough. We’re not born believing we aren’t good enough.
Instead, either implicitly or explicitly, we are taught that we aren’t good enough. Sometimes this happens through outright abuse, and other times it happens from toxic messaging that is ingrained into the fabric of our culture. Over time, we hear the message enough that we start to repeat it to ourselves… and then it begins to sound like our voice.
It might be worth taking the time to discover where the self-critical voice comes from. When we do this, it makes it easier to re-externalize it and fight back, replacing it with a more compassionate voice instead.
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Nicole Perry is a Registered Psychologist and writer with a private practice in Edmonton. Her approach is collaborative and feminist at its heart. She specializes in healing trauma, building shame resilience, and setting boundaries.
About the Blog
This space will provide information, stories, and answers to big questions about some of my favorite topics - boundaries, burnout, trauma, self compassion, and shame resilience - all from a feminist counselling perspective. It's also a space I'm exploring and refining new ideas.
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